Just some stuff I’ve learned and live by.
Make your own path. Find a way that works best for you, even if you’ve never seen it done that way. Forget what you’ve seen before… do it in a way that is authentic to you.
Take the harder path when you know it’s the right one. Be courageous.
Courage doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. It means you ARE afraid. And you lean in to it anyway.
Let go of the things you can’t control. It’s a waste of your energy. Likewise, worrying about something doesn’t help or change the outcome. Just spinning your wheels and using up energy.
You only get so much time in life - actively choose what you want to spend your energy on.
I refuse to spend a minute of my time being possessive or jealous of my partner. You’re free to go. So am I.
If you have to convince someone to be with you or stay with you - you’ll have to convince them for the full duration of the relationship.
Happiness comes from inside you. Wonderful things CAN happen. But, they don’t “force” you to be happy. You make you happy. You choose it. You see it. Your thoughts and beliefs have more influence on your feelings and behaviors than outside events. If you believe everything is horrible - then it will be. You don’t give it any other option. Instead, you are the bearer of happiness, it dwells in you like a light. Bring it everywhere you go. Protect it and build it up every chance you get.
Real strength. Is very quiet. It doesn’t come out until it absolutely must. Doesn’t stay a moment longer than necessary. And folds neatly back into its sheath. Real strength…. is gentle and is not without restraint. Don’t be mistaken. You might be sorry you did.
Set boundaries. Don’t allow a person to influence or hurt you past a given point. You get to choose to let someone in, how far, or not at all. Set boundaries. You’ve worked too hard for too long to just let anyone in.
Don’t date someone with the intention of changing them to be more like what you want. Find someone that pretty much is already what you want. You can’t change someone. Who are you to try to change someone, anyway? Respect your partner’s life.
People don’t change unless they, themselves, want to very very very badly. They have to want to change from deep within. Major life events sometimes lead to this.
Sometimes, you have to get worse before you will get better. Healing, recovery, and change comes when you’re ready for it. No sooner.
Don’t date someone with so much emotional baggage they can’t see passed themselves. They won’t recognize anything amazing in you… they only focus on their own problems. They see you through the clouded filter of their issues. They don’t see or appreciate you fully. For example, someone convinced that you are constantly cheating on them because thier ex used to cheat. So, you spend a great amount of energy fighting accusations that don’t exist anywhere but in your partner’s mind. Don’t do that.
Know when someone’s problems have nothing to do with you. Know when to back away. Clarity is a great, great thing. You and you partner will see each other better, if you both have clear filters with which to recognize each other’s qualities.
No, you don’t know what you would do in a situation you’ve never been in. You don’t know what you would do if you were sexually assaulted, for example. Because what you want, who you are, what you believe in, say or do…. Doesn’t matter. It’s not about you. You’re not in control. The attacker is. And you DON’T know what you’d do. Not until you’re in that place. I hope you never are.
External “fixes” for things like - insecurities…. don’t last. They’re just bandaids that can fall off or manipulate the problem to make it worse. (Like, depending on others to “make” you feel worthy.) No one can force you to feel worthy. You’ve gotta find it internally! Believe in yourself! You ARE worthy! Know it from within!!! That way it can’t be taken away or manipulated.
Don’t use people to boost you up. Get your own confidence and inner peace. Don’t use up people’s energy to fix your problems. That’s not what people exist for. That’s not what relationships are for. Support yeah…. but keeping you from falling completely apart…. that’s mostly your responsiblity. Baby steps. You can do it. There’s no darkness you can sink to that you can’t get out of. I believe that. There’s hope.
You have many more choices than you’re aware. The choices you have are your opportunities to make the changes you want to see in yourself and life. Choices are gifts. What you do or don’t do, matters. Don’t give your choices away. Don’t ask others to make your choices for you. Don’t take choices away from other people. There is a lot of power in choices. Your choices belong to you, and the consequences of those choices are on your shoulders.
The world already puts limitations on you that you can’t control…. don’t choose to put more limitations on yourself. Make choices freely and unburdened by your past. Don’t let awful things from your past, make choices for you.
Be forgiving and accepting of yourself. You are you’re greatest ally. You can’t love, forgive, accept, understand, or know another person deeper than you have for your own self. Know yourself. Love yourself…. venture deeply into yourself. You’ll be able to understand others more deeply.